it all makes sense

on the day when "that thing" (that's what i call it now, don't know why) happened about 2 weeks ago, anthony burrill announced a new series of prints early in the morning. i've been a huge fan of his for something like 4 or 5 years now, and try to get prints whenever i can because they're awesome and make me incredibly happy. the best way i can explain it is... you know how christians look at the bible and they accept it as truth, and they're like "oh it's the bible, so it's true". well that's how i look at anthony burrill's prints. there's just no arguing with them. 

anyway, while i was at work that day, i ordered a few prints. obviously i had no idea what i was coming home to later that night (otherwise i wouldn't have been spending ANY MONEY WHATSOEVER, haha).

with all that went on in the days and week that followed, it kinda slipped my mind that i had bought this print, and i was surprised to see a poster tube at my door with my name on it when i got home a little while ago. i opened it up, and there it was. 

whoa. i think i sat and stared at these four words for 20 minutes. talk about a swift kick in the nuts by the truth.

after giving it some thought, i sincerely don't think i've been more at peace with life and how it works than i have been in the last few weeks. this has certainly made me appreciate just how important and incredible my friends and family are. in a weird way i'm super grateful that this happened (not that i really had a choice in the matter, haha) because i've seen and talked to a lot of you, gotten and given some awesome hugs and high fives, and generally gotten back to being the person i want to be, which feels pretty freaking great.

shitty things are going to happen, and life is going to be tough, but i guess if you try your best, surround yourself with good people, smile more than you frown, and never give up... things can be awesome and maybe even make some sense too.

thanks again to everyone for being so awesome and kind in recent days. it means the world.

zach :-)

thanks

last night i had the privilege of getting to see leh wi tok, an incredible movie made in part by jonathan beller and kate kelley, two awesome photographers (and even more awesome people). it was amazing. i'm not gonna say much about the movie because you really need to see it, but after watching it and getting a little time to think about it, i couldn't help but think about all of the junk i have and how i don't really need it. there's just so much superfluous, unnecessary, inconsequential garbage that you deal with every day that suddenly it takes over your life, and it's pretty easy to let it define you. a few dollars of radio parts can ultimately save thousands of people but sometimes i get pissed when the dunkin donuts person puts too much milk in my coffee. dumb dumb dumb.

when i got home, i found my apartment had been broken into, and some of those superfluous, unnecessary, inconsequential things were taken, and others were broken or damaged. after the initial shock of feeling like my "safe place" was no longer safe, i surveyed everything, the police got involved, statements were given, things were fingerprinted, etc. and i went through pretty much everything that happens in the boring first two minutes of an episode of CSI. throughout this whole process, i was getting text messages, facebook messages, phone calls and emails from friends and family, asking if i needed anything, how i was doing. my first few responses were kind of teenagey and super annoying, with a bit of "i can't believe this is happening to me" and a little "i have no idea what i'm going to do" mixed in. gross. but as the morning progressed i realized that if i have all of these people i love and care for so much, why am i being such a whiney shitbag over some stolen electronics and some broken stuff? i still have what's important to me, and the things that were taken didn't define me as a person, so how would my life be different tomorrow than it was yesterday? you know what.... it may even be better.

a little after midnight this morning i started the day off on an unexpected, admittedly terrible note that i thought would define my days and weeks to come for a sustained period of time. what happened, because of the great people who i value more than any thing, is that this has been one of the best days of my life. it's amazing how having something as random (and ultimately inconsequential) as your apartment being broken into can totally shake you back into common sense. it'll be tough for a while but the best part of challenges is the opportunity you get to rise to the occasion and exceed expectations. i'm definitely looking forward to this one and i know it'll bring a whole lot more lessons and challenges with it. this is what makes life interesting and worth living, and if there's one thing i'm good at, it's facing a challenge head on and kicking it's ass.

anyway... the whole reason i'm writing this is because it's easy to get caught up in "things", but at the end of the day, these things that we sometimes associate with so strongly that they "become us" are just, things. in the arc of life a computer will not be the key to my success, and the lack of one will not be the cause of my failure unless i allow that to happen. so, fuck the shit you took from my apartment. i'm better off without it. the computers you took? tools that help me be great, but not the reason for my greatness (also, so much less ugly tangly wire clutter clusterfucks. i hate all of those wires, ugh). all of the work you took that i can't get back? an invitation to do it even better next time, and work harder than ever before. and the broken things from people and times that were important to me? a reason to grab life by the balls and live it up to make new memories.

it'll be a minute before i get to thank each of you personally for the kind messages of support throughout this weird day, but i did want to say this to all of you- having a few less "things" has freed up a whole lot of room in my head and my heart to realize, even in the few hours that have passed since all of this happened, that you're what matters to me, and that no one can ever take that away. i'm pretty okay with letting go of all of that other stuff, but you're all worth holding on to, and i'm sending you a big-ass bear hug tonight from the person just getting to know you makes me want to be, for being the good, kind, and generous people you are.

in a single word... thanks

your friend, zach

lego heart

heart made of lego.